I turned twenty-five this past week. I also celebrated my third year of practicing yoga and in May I'll be celebrating two years of teaching it.
I would be a liar if I said I thought I was ready to be a teacher two years ago. Even now, I still get nervous before my meet ups. This is mostly because of how much I care about the classes and my "students". I put quotations around that because even though they are in my class, I still learn from them every time we meet. Whether it's reminding myself that I, too, used to be out of breath in downward dog (sometimes I still am). That I, too, have sat restlessly in Sukasana as I await my next instruction. I, too, have laid awake in Savasana staring at the ceiling wondering when the bell will cling or for the wiggle your fingers cue. I, too, have looked at my instructor like they were crazy when they said we're going to hold pigeon for a few more breaths. I, too, have went home feeling like a new person. Feeling like I knew my body a little bit more, that I knew my breath a little bit more. Every meet up I am humbled and excited. I see them and I see myself and it makes me happy. Oh, so happy.
The entire experience of yoga at first was odd yet satisfying, much like my birthday on Monday. It's weird to think I'm twenty-five years from turning fifty. Not that the numbers mean anything in particular but I am at that milestone in life. The quarter life. The time where you begin to figure out who you are, what you want to do, and where you will go. I have all these dreams and plans and one day I'll get there but in this moment; I am happy.
I. Am. Happy. I am exhausted, full, wise, loved, and enough.
I told my dad the other day that in this moment, I have everything I could possibly want (aside from World Peace, because who doesn't want that?).
It has been a long time since I've felt this way and it is odd. I am waiting for the glass to drop but in the meantime, I believe I will bask in the moment of being. I will allow myself to sigh and release the need to control what is coming. I will allow myself to be stagnant and happy. I will allow myself to take those few extra breaths in pigeon. Because we could all use a little hip opening.